CHINA pt 2: And they flew (Zhangjiajie - Shanghai)
"Come to the edge", I said.
"No, we're afraid", they said.
"Come to the edge", I said again.
"No, we're afraid we'll fall", they said.
"Come to the edge", I said once again.
And they came.
And I pushed them.
And they flew.
-Anonymous
Have you have ever had that feeling? You know, when you're perched at a high elevation – like on a tall building or mountain, overlooking an immense fall to what would be a certain death. Suddenly a tingling feeling creeps through your veins, starting at the stomach and gradually, yet meticulously spreading like a forest fire steadily engulfing it's surrounding vegetation, until it reaches your toes and fingertips. As your heart races with a rapid, gliding beat and your head fills with the same heat that makes a hot air balloon float, you feel as if there would be no greater feeling than the one that would arrive if you simply took one more step off that ledge and into oblivion. It is not a suicidal feeling. It is not associated with a longing for death. It's just a perplexing urge to thrust yourself into a seemingly endless free fall.
I've felt this sensation many of times throughout my life, and always assumed not many others felt it. Apparently it is actually a common sensation at high places, owed to "cognitive dissonance". Cognitive dissonance is essentially conflicting beliefs, thoughts and attitudes which produce a strong discomfort in one’s cognition, therefore causing one's brain to attempt to provide some type of solution or proper interpretation of the confusing information it has been provided with. According to psychologists when at the ledge of a high place the cognitive dissonance is due to a confusion between anxiety or vertigo felt at the edge and a realization by your brain that you aren't actually in any real danger. So between your brain becoming confused trying to correct the imbalance/vertigo of being on an edge, yet knowing that you aren't actually close enough to fall, causes a false desire to jump. . . or something along those lines (there is without a doubt a more clear scientific explanation).
As I stood on the ledge of a cliff over 4,000 feet from the ground at Yangjiajie's, "Corridor in the Cliffs" in Zhangjiajie (I know, it's a mouthful), I came to reject this psychological explanation. Maybe it's applicable to others, but I don't believe it's the explanation for my own urge to jump. Maybe that's because the sensation I feel isn't an "urge" caused by a confusion in the mind. It's more like an inclination caused by inordinate curiosity.
"What would would happen if I jumped?", I ask myself.
"Would I fall for minutes, hours, years...?"
"Would I fall for eternity?"
"Would my physical self crash terrifically towards the Earth while my soul drifted endlessly through time?"
These were just some of the thoughts and questions running through my over-imaginative, philosophical mind. I need to know the answers. I walk a bit closer to the edge. But I don't jump.
But check out the little poem written at the beginning of this post. This short verse was written on a crumbled wall, on an island off the coast of Thailand. To me it is relevant to this same conversation but in a much different way. While I've been discussing the literal and physical act of jumping from a high place, there is another form of jumping from high places that does not involve the same deathly risks–it's the jump into something new, the jump into the unknown, or for lack of better words; the leap of faith. While it doesn't necessarily require religious faith, this leap into the unknown indeed requires faith–faith in the process. So often we do try new things and attempt to make risky life changes, but we do so and become dispirited and despondent when we don't see instant results. I myself have struggled with this same problem for many years due to my lack of patience, and stubbornness. It is extremely difficult to watch things get worst before they get better but often that truly is how life works–despite how cliche that sounds. Not only do you have to put faith in the process, you must also accept that at some point– likely at many points– you will fall. It's all good though. . . get ya ass up. Climb back up that mountain or high place, and jump again. Eventually you'll fly. Shoutout to R.Kelly. Till next time–(Cheesy)Garrett at your service.
-G
PS. Gotta express my love for Shanghai real quick. Really cool city. A lot of international people and fun things to do. Definitely a city on the come-up. Had some opportunities to play some sold pick-up ball with Hamilton, which can be a rare occurrence on the road. Also met some great people there and had the opportunity to hangout with my good friend Feifan. Much love for that guy.
